All of Him, and All of Me

I know it's been a while since I have blogged, but today I really felt lead to share of all that's been going on with me. I have had an amazing few days in the presence of the Lord, so much of Him that I can't even believe it. I wanted to take some time today to write it all down for me, but also to share it with you. There is strength in all of us sharing what He does in us, through us, and for us. 

I have been wanting more of Him for a while now.  But at the same time, I am sort of afraid to ask Him for it. Not sure what He would do, or how He would show up, or how He would shake me up. If you know me at all, you know I am sort of a like to be in control of things. LOL! Things have to be "just so" for me to handle it. I honestly want God to overtake me, but my flesh in the past hasn't been able to let go enough to allow it. I'm even having a hard time writing this now without feeling sick to my stomach. I don't like feeling out of control. I mean for crying out loud, I don't even like my food to touch other food on my plate, that's a control freak people!!! But I want more of Him.

So let me just say my God is so amazingly gracious. He knows me so well, and loves me so much, that He knows can't just drop all of Himself on me at once. But this week He did give me 5 rock solid words through an incredibly powerful prayer time Friday night at Rapha House. I want to dig into each of them a little deeper, so I can hold on tight to them. 

Peace...He continues to remind me that I can rest in His peace. That I can have peace in my thoughts.  My mind moves so fast all the time and in so many directions that I can't handle it some days, most days in fact.  He is trying to show me how to slow down and be at peace in Him. Psalm 29:11 says "The Lord gives strength to his people, the Lord blesses his people with peace." The is definitely an ongoing process for me, a transformation of my mind and how it works.  He wants to show me that I can be strong while still at peace. I just have to slow down and allow Him to take control.

Safe...this word He surprised me with, it was something that I didn't realize I was still hurting from. He spoke to me very clearly by saying through a sweet, gentle hearted lady that I was safe with Him. I didn't think I needed to be reminded of this, but it touched my heart so when she said it.  My history with the men in my life has not been so great to say the least, from my absent biological dad to my abusive ex husband, let's just say I have trouble trusting men. I didn't think I could trust anyone again. In fact until Dean came into my life, I don't think I ever felt complete trust for another human being. But God whispered to me to remember I am always safe with Him.  I worry many days about retaliation from my ex-husband one day....but God gently reminds me that I will always be safe in His arms. Psalm 16:1 says "Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge." That's it, I want to take refuge in Him.

Restoration...this is a good one, that He freely offers every day, why do I continue to forget it? Another word spoken over me this weekend was that all the years that were taken from me will be restored. Psalm 80:7 says "Restore us, God Almighty; make your face shine on us, that we may be saved." Restore and beyond...He wants to give me more than was taken away by the enemy. And so far, He has proven this over and over. I am beyond blessed by the Godly marriage I have with Dean. God has already restored dreams for my life that I thought were dead and gone and He continues that work in my life every day.

Acceptance...this is another one of those words that I didn't know that I needed, but it broke my heart and put it back together in a new loving way in just a moment. The women at Rapha House accept me for who am I, no matter what that includes. For the first time, I feel like I am loved as a peer, not looked down on as a just another person in the church. It warms my heart more than I could ever say. Every woman wants to feel loved and accepted, and women are usually the hardest judge on each other.  So to feel I was welcomed within the woman of Rapha House is so important for me and my growth in His presence.  There are some amazingly strong Godly women in this church, woman who walk in His presence every day, and I can't wait to learn more from each of them.

Catch...this one make take a little more explaining but I love it with all my heart!! God wants to encourage my desire and my heart to help our children CATCH the fever that I have for praise and worship. That spirit, that anointing, that love is contagious and I definitely want the children at Rapha House to catch it! I don't want them to just learn a song, or a dance, or words...I want them to learn to be worshippers at heart at an early age.

So, the words that I will cling to as I go back to the world after an amazing few days with the Lord are PEACE, SAFE, RESTORATION, ACCEPTANCE, AND CATCH. I keep writing them everywhere I go....on the shower doors in the steam, on every little notebook I have, on a piece of paper posted to my computer at work, and on my heart.  Thank you Lord for speaking to me and graciously loving me.