This is my path

This morning while walking at the park, I got very frustrated watching an older couple walking in front of me getting further and further away from me.  I also noticed that I was keeping track of another gentleman walking, he was walking in the opposite direction that I was, so I wanted to be sure that my pace kept up with his, and that we crossed paths at the same halfway point each time around.  Then a threesome of beautiful, thin, blonde, moms passed me RUNNING and chatting, and it made me want to quit completely.  I was frustrated with walking, and I hadn't really lost as much this week as I had hoped after walking all week. It all seemed useless.  I started coming up with reasons to quit. But then God whispered in my ear....THIS is your path, not theirs, not hers, not his, but YOURS Libby.  


Psalm 119:35 says "Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found."


So I started meditating on this idea as the day went on....and I realized I have always looked at all of life as a competition. I like to be first. In everything. Growing up always competing in music, I just can't help it. It part of my make up, of who I am.  I think as humans, we are always that way at least a little bit. We want to keep up with the Jones, be in the greener grass on the other side, want what you can't have....I didn't make those phrases up!! We are constantly comparing ourselves to others and how we think they are doing in life. But here's the problem with that....what we see, may not necessarily be the truth....

Here's a perfect example of that....many moons ago, in one of my lowest points with the ex, I was always so distraught at church because I wanted to head of our household to be at church with us. I spent many Sunday mornings with my face in my hands crying out to God.  I had a friend who always sat with her husband at church. They were so cute together, always cuddling, or rubbing each others back, or smiling at each other, or comforting each other if needed. They would praise together, listen together, amen together, and pray together.  I wanted that SOOOOO badly in my own life. So much so that I could not stand to sit anywhere near them on Sunday mornings. I couldn't watch it that close up, it made me cry. As the months went by, she and I became better friends, and I finally told her how silly I felt about not sitting near her.  She stopped in her tracks and said she felt the same way about me with my 3 girls. They were struggling so much to have a child, it broke her heart to watch it close up. Neither of us begrudged the other for the blessings they had, but trying to compare to other was hurting us both just for different reasons. 

We can't look at anything anyone else has and be hurt by it....that's not our path. Jesus has the perfect plan for you....you just have to ask Him what it is, then follow it. 

Jeremiah 33:3 says. "Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come."

I think as ladies we struggle the most with this....we never want anyone to see that we are hurting, or lacking. We constantly compare ourselves to EVERYONE else.  You want THAT marriage, or to be THAT kind of mom, or to carry THAT kind of purse, or drive THAT kind of car, or have THAT kind of children, or live in THAT kind of home, or wear THAT brand of shoes, or have THAT big of a diamond ring.  But all that stuff doesn't matter....it's temporal.  What's important....what's real....what's truth....

"For I know the plans that I have for YOU", says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."    (Jeremiah 29:11)

God has a plan for each of us....the exact plan He created just for YOU. So today, I vow to follow the path He shows me....but to also be happy there. To wear blinders, and not see the things to my left or my right.  Because honestly, the only ruler that I need to be measured by, is the fact that I tried a little harder than yesterday to follow His voice, His call, and His path for ME.

Everything is a Choice

I know some of you probably saw on facebook this morning that I walked at Patton Park today. I really...I mean really....didn't want to.  I came up with every excuse in the book to not go....I needed to start work early, I was hungry and weak, I needed to do laundry, I wanted coffee first, I didn't have time, I didn't want to walk alone, that park was sketchy...you name it, I thought of it.  But eventually I decided I was already up, and dressed, and going out to take the girls to school, and I had to drive right past that park to come home, so I just as well go. So I did...kicking and screaming (on the inside) but I did.  I pushed myself more than I had in a long time, probably since my back surgery a couple of years ago, and walked 2 miles. Doesn't sound like much really, but to me it was a huge victory.  After 2 laps around the park, my left hip started hurting really badly.  I kept trying to talk myself into stopping. But I pushed through to a third lap.  It still hurt....I even had a little old guy look at me with sympathy as I was holding my hand on my hip as I walked by him. That almost through me over the edge, and sent me running straight back to my car.  But I didn't.  I decided to keep going, and I finished 4 laps,  equal to 2 miles. I made the CHOICE to push through. To push through the excuses, all the reasons not to, even the pain, to do something that I knew in the end was good for me. I have been really trying hard to make better choices for my physical body lately. Eating better, no sodas, really cutting down on sugar, only drinking water, and walking.  Do I like any of it? Of course not. But in the end, someone said to me to consider the whys.  Why do I do this? Not to lose weight necessarily, but because I want to live longer with my children and husband. I want to be more able to do things with them.  I want to be more confident in who I am.  I want to feel good in my own skin again. That's why I choose to eat better and exercise.

 Ecclesiastes 10:2 says "A wise person chooses the right road; a fool takes the wrong one."  I know that eating whatever I want, whenever I want is going to end badly. Yes I know I am going to die anyways....but will it be as a healthy, loving life, vibrant 95 year old, or as a diabetic, wheezing, unable to walk on her own 60 year old? I have to choose my path.

Job 22:28 says "You will succeed in whatever you choose to do, and light will shine on the road ahead of you."  Here's the thing...I believe wholeheartedly that if I make the right choices, God is going to bless my effort.  He will make it work even better than I could do on my own.  And here's the biggest and bestest part....EVERYTHING in life boils down to a choice. Really think about that for a moment....

I can choose to get up on time and get to work and be a light there for Jesus, and lead by example.

I can choose to not go to Krispy Kreme in the morning, and instead eat oatmeal at home before leaving so I'm not as tempted as I drive by.

I can choose to drink a cup of coffee at home with splenda and low fat cream, instead of the million calorie $5 latte from Starbucks.

I can choose to have lunch at home and save the $8 I would spend eating out, and instead put it towards a date night with my sweet hubby.

Here's where it gets real....

I can choose every day to spend time with Jesus. Quiet time. Real time alone. To grow my relationship with my Father. So He can truly say that He knows who I am, and I know who He is.

I can choose every day to love on my children. To make a point to hug them and kiss them and tell them how awesome they are no matter how they may be acting that particular day.

I can choose every day to put my spouse's needs before mine.  To make it a priority to take care of him. To show him just what he means to me. To work on our marriage DAILY and not take it for granted. To know that he is a gift, not a right.

I can choose every day not to complain about anything to anyone. To only say positive things. The power of life and death is in the tongue. I want to choose LIFE, and be that kind of example in the world. To be different than everyone else because I have the love of Jesus in my heart.

I can choose every day to be in the business of serving God in some way. Whether its volunteering in the children's ministry, working in the parking lot, or cleaning toilets. I will choose to just do what needs to be done. Period.

So today....who do you choose to be? If you don't like who you are, where you are, or what you are doing....decide TODAY to CHANGE! Be different!  One small change is all it takes to set your life, your job, your marriage, your family, your outlook on life, on a different path forever. You can choose which direction your life will go.

And here's the best part of all....God is patiently waiting for you to just ask His opinion. He wants to show you the choice that is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT for you. The one the He created just for you. But as I have always said, He is a gentleman, He will never force a choice on you, or push you down a path. He gives us a choice, every time.


You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way. (Matthew 7:13)

Choose my instruction rather than silver, and knowledge rather than pure gold. (Proverbs 8:10)

Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose. (Psalm 25:12)

What do you choose???

There's a warrior by my side!

For almost a week I have sat each day looking at this verse....

I repeat some of the highlighted words over and over....BESIDE....WARRIOR.....BESIDE WARRIOR...BESIDE...WARRIOR.

On Tuesday I even looked up the exact definition for each word.  Beside, according to dictionary.com, is "by or at the side of, near". Warrior is "a person engaged or experienced in warfare, a person who shows or has shown great vigor, courage, or aggressiveness." Ok he is near, and he is courageous. That still didn't really get my juices flowing yet.  I knew that stuff. I kept looking at it over and over again.  I understood it with my mind, but did my heart really believe it? At my core, did I truly believe that God has it all under control?

For those of you who haven't read or heard much of my story before, I have struggled a lot with fear.  Jesus is working with me on this daily, I can say I am trying to let it go, but where I come from it's very hard.  My ex husband (the girls' father) was abusive, mentally, emotionally, and eventually physically.  For years of our marriage, he threatened if I did anything "out of line", he would take the girls and disappear, that I would never see or hear from any of them again.  So in my "damaged" mind the night I finally stood up for myself and called the police, I just knew that I knew that I knew, that as soon as he had a chance (whether it was in a couple of days, or years from then) he would come grab the girls, kill me and then run and hide.  I am not so much afraid for my safety, as I am for theirs. As a mother, that's the fear that sticks with you. SO yeah, I struggle with fear.  We have not seen or heard from him in over 4 years....which in a way scares me a little more, because I have no idea where he is, what he is thinking, or what he is planning. For a LONG time, I looked over my shoulder every minute of every day waiting for him to show back up.

Most days, I can keep it at bay.  I don't even consider it, it doesn't come into my mind.  But occasionally, the devil will put something in my path to throw me right back to that time, that moment, that feeling, that fear.  I typically would have chosen to chase the 5000 what if rabbits down their perspective holes. Instead, as of late, I am doing my best to speak scripture to those thoughts. Even if I can't remember the entire scripture, or the exact reference, I throw everything I've got at the devil and his pokes.

I even created what I am calling my declarations board (at the suggestion of a good friend, THANK YOU!!!) It's in my office, I try to look at it every day. To remind myself who HE says I am, of who I want to be.  I also have verses written that I can use against the devil in the battle for my mind.  Here's a picture, take a look. I highly suggest you make your own.  I even made a little one for my sweet hubby for his office. 

(Scriptures referenced: Psalm 4:8, Philippians 4:-9, Jeremiah 29:11, Matthew 6;34, Numbers 6:24-26, Jude 1:2, Psalm 91, Proverbs 31:10-31, Proverbs 14:30, Exodus 33:14, Psalm 23)

So back on track with my original verse (Jeremiah 20:11)..... during our night of worship at church on Wednesday, I got lost in a song called "Let it Rain". Take a look at the lyrics....

I feel the rain of Your love

I feel the winds of Your spirit

Now the heartbeat of heaven let us hear.

Let it rain, let it rain

open the floodgates of heaven

As I stood there on stage playing bass and singing, I started to really think about those words and what they meant to me.  I thought about the refreshing feel of rain on your face on a hot day, or the cool breeze across the ocean on a summer morning.  It hit me like a brick to the head that is what He is trying to do for me.  To calm my spirit, to release me from my fears, to be that refreshing breeze to my soul. As I started to weep, right there on stage....as I did, He flooded me more and more with His voice.  He lead me straight back to my verse for the week....He said I stand BESIDE you Libby as a WARRIOR. He made it personal.  My mind began to wander about walking with Him, and how that would feel.  I imagined that if He was truly walking beside me, His voice speaking to me in a gentle tone would soothe me.  The steady beat of His heart that I could feel as He held my hand would slow my anxieties. His gentle nudge to keep me on His path, guiding me ever so softly towards what He has planned for me.  The entire thought was so amazing, and vivid in my mind's eye.  Then He said now picture all of that as a flood, and I am opening the gates to pour THAT kind of protection, and peace, and happiness, and blessing, and anointing, and purpose all on you Libby. At this point, of course if you know me at all you know what's next....I was a blubbering puddle on the floor.  I had never felt so much call on my life. It was completely overwhelming. I had never felt such peace, such safety, such protection before. I now understood, and believed what Jeremiah 20:11 said....But the LORD stands beside ME like a great warrior.  But the difference.....All week long...I was emphasizing the wrong words. 

Return to writing....

Hello to anyone out there who chooses to read this. Honestly, I write mostly for myself, as a way to really get the ideas out of my head.  Sometimes they come so fast my hands can't keep up, especially if I try to write it down on paper.  I envision the inside of my brain as Grand Central Station....with trains (of thought) coming from every direction, all day and all night at about 1000mph. 


And I wonder why I can't sleep sometimes. LOL!!  But when I write, it helps me try to focus in on one idea. I see it more like this picture....


Usually it's an idea that God has placed in my spirit like a pebble in my shoe, that keeps coming up over and over until I finally decide to sit down, research it, and pour my heart out about it.

In the end, I have always believed if something I experienced (or write about) helps just one other person....then all the pain, anguish, sleepless nights, storms, and trials were totally worth it!  I believe that God gave me a voice and a story so that I can share it with others to help them through something.  I like to be up front and honest about how I am feeling, what I am thinking, and what I am going through.  Sometimes it's ugly, sometimes it's sad....but it's always truth.

But here's the even awesomer part....I also try my darndest to write about how it all comes out in the end. Whether it's a biblical concept I just didn't understand and had to work through with God's help....or it's the devil poking me and it takes me a little time to see that my God is bigger than anything he can throw at me....I want this to be a place to share my heart, my thoughts, and my testimony.

My new goal is to blog once a week at least (sometimes when I start going I just can't stop!) I want to write about things that puzzle me, things that interest me, things that make me stop and really listen for His voice through it all.  Some weeks it may be a bible verse that has really spoken to me, sometimes it may be a mini rant because the kids are driving me bonkers (let's get real....it happens!), and sometimes it may be the awesomest new twice baked loaded cauliflower recipe (WITH BACON!!) that I found on pinterest.  But I can promise you, every time it will be straight from the heart of a full force  creative nutso crazy mom!


P.S. Here's a hint about my next post....and it probably won't be a whole week before it comes bursting out.  A verse from church service this morning really hit home, so this week I am going to really try to meditate on it, soak it in, and understand what God is saying to ME personally through it.  (Understand....remember grand central station brain....it's REALLY REALLY REALLY hard for me to meditate on anything for more than about 5 seconds at a time!!!)
Anyways, here's the verse....

"But the Lord stands beside me like a great warrior. Before him my persecutors will stumble. They cannot defeat me. They will fail and be thoroughly humiliated. Their dishonor will never be forgotten."  Jeremiah 20:11