If you have spent more than 5 minutes with me you know I have the attention span of a gnat. It is not out of meanness, or anything like that, I want to listen, I want to be engaged, but my mind races all day every day. It's like a constant game of pinball in there. (For those born after 1980 out there, google it, it was a game before Nintendo came into the world. lol) Anyways, thoughts are constantly reeling through my mind..I gotta do this, I need to go there, I'm hungry, I really should go to the grocery store, I need to send so and so a card, Abigail needs a bathing suit, I should wash our sheets today, oh the dog needs a bath, what is our lesson on this week for KidsTime, I need to text Chasity about that, what time do I need to be at the school today, that's a new blog idea, **Insert random 80s one hit wonder song lyrics here for no good reason**, I want to make meatloaf this week, I have to remember to buy sunscreen this week, a new card making idea, wow look at that on ebay, I wonder what Dean is doing right now, I need to be sure and watch the new Once Upon a Time later....this is just a sampling. And the craziest part....that is only about 30 seconds worth. I can't slow it down. It is just how my brain works, how I was built, I am 100 mph all over the place all the time. To add insult to injury I'm a planner too. There are usually about 10 lists going on at the same time in my head. At least 4 notebooks within arm's distance at any given moment. (Sorry honey...I still prefer paper rather than my phone!) I just go, go, go all the time.
I struggle ALOT to rest. To slow down enough for my mind to stop, even for a few minutes. It's so bad, that if I get up in the middle of the night to tinkle (which I do about 3 times a night!!) I keep my eyes closed, don't turn on any lights, stagger to the bathroom, and do everything I can to stay half way in a state of slumber, and then go right back to the same position I just left in the bed. Because if I get the slightest bit awake....the pinball game awakens in my head, and sleepy time is all over. I think I have said it before, that God allows something big to happen to me (back surgery, the flu, biggest baddest stomach bug ever) so that I will actually stop and sit down for a few days in a row. Honestly, I think there is another one coming real soon.....just feel it. You would think that I would learn my lesson....but I'm hard headed too. LOL!!
I say all of this to give you some back story before my main point tonight.... I need a true encounter with God. A Holy Ghost gets a hold of me and won't let go until I am face down on the floor crying like a baby kind of encounter. I just need to be overwhelmed with His presence. I know many of you out there are saying, well just stop, get quiet, and ask Him for it. Did you not read the first 2 paragraphs??? I don't do that!!! Unfortunately I need it to be in a group setting so I can really focus in on that type of environment. At home, there's too much distraction....phones dinging, kids talking, dog barking, TVs blaring, music from the bathroom playing, neighbors shooting off canons (yes, that is for real!), washing machines running....just TOO much all around. I need an encounter with God. Don't get me wrong, I know He is with me, He has given me little tidbits here and there lately, but I need more. I feel emptied out right now. I need to be filled again. I'm not burnt out, or tired of what I do, or needing a break, or anything like that (don't freak out Chasity!), I just need to be filled to overflow.
On my way home from the store tonight, I turned my favorite quiet time song on in the car. "A Little Longer" by Bethel. Dean has always said this is sort of my theme song. If you have never heard it, go find it on YouTube, you won't regret it. The basic gist of the song is the lady asks God what else can she do for Him, that no matter what she does, it doesn't ever seem like enough. That's me! I do and do and do, and I love it that way, I honestly do. I don't think God would begrudge me that. I love serving, helping, being creative, I do. But the second half of the song is God's response to her busy-ness (MY busy-ness!) The song says "I hear you say you don't have to do a thing, simply be with me and let those things go. They can wait another minute. Wait. This moment is too sweet. Please stay here with me and love on me a little longer 'cause I'm in love with you." THAT'S what I need....THAT kind of moment. To just stop the world from spinning, and BE with Him, feel His spirit with me. I don't need some big prophecy, or word from God, I just need an encounter, a moment of quiet with Him.
I'm not sure yet how or when....but I know without a doubt I need an encounter with my God. It's time for MORE LORD!
No comments:
Post a Comment